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[06 Jun 2010|01:27am] |
distancy.
if i twere a world.
of answered questions, live is but a void.
no punctuation timley manner nor proper resume will get you there.
nithere will recompose the hole in myself.
fifel will go ahead and move on.
my heart can only compose an ideal of believeability.
oh wow how articulate.
i feel angry, like actions and answers are only out to kill me.
i dont feel that is too far from truth...........
more elipse sp.
who cares.
why i?
because honestly our lives are meaningless if no one cares. to give up is giving heartstone to a eternal fire. something that burns so close to the soul, pain is irrelative. soulds, heart, being, Zence, sarcasm. it is laughable. only oh so serious.
i can only be so stubborn. cause i dream what i dream, reading into fantasy is reeding too farr intoo thee readingg.
funny funny haha
so tired of hurting.
thought i could surpass this. become a factor that wo0uld disperese.
perhaps i am the catalyst.
the reason my sun wakes. and will not regret.
i will pass. i will leave ash and craze.
heartbreak, and pain.
fractions of fiction.
morely truth of the storey.
fake as can be, i am lying withought
astranged.
become that distant.
your pain is nothing.
nothing to the pain we will all feel.
lost like our lights in the fire.
once they burn i suppose it is time to adapt.
and rambling sentences grow dull.
i should do this more without the keyboard.
because this feels fake.
oxymoron. our technology.
hemmingway and his notes.
clements and his steamboats.
gonzo and his cannons.
we fail, our generation has become passive.
or is this just me?
just a puppy looking for attention?
did i become so depending,
could i become worse?
am i the worst.
no suicide, no pain, no murder, no shame. no conspiracy, simple honesty...
how is such a hard concept to estrange by?
do the liars of this world really get by?
if thats the case i dont have what it takes to lie.
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[23 May 2010|03:17am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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i have heard of the I aAM 'ers
(SP)
yet i fee as though i AM
i will
MY WILL
hwy not?
a little light in the right place makes a difference.
put YOUR shoes on.
moving forward.
im slowing down
ive deleted facebook as a friend.. . apparatus.
there was a good joke to be had.
life changes. words get rearranged. every play telephone as a kid.
we are all in the same mindset. facts worse. we have uncompromisable odds. simply considering i do not have to spell. or is that the magick. more works against me. like ebb and flow. looking at decades past, our lives are simply fragments of an understanding. as sadly i feel my guitar gently weeps.
the thing about the blog, is i write this without thought. but with conscious... haha (again sp)
and siting my works i have no need. if any great IDEA (BAND< PERSON< WHATEVER) can look past themselves and say that my words can and should be use to bettter our preception...
well we lost that in the sixties.
and more. many thoughts.
many ways of speakiong.
fuck spelling i should continue. without break, kerouac did better, but this is where our change can become.
CHOICE.
romance within a pack of camels.
Never taking a drag.
irony.
laughter.
frivolity
joy
us
i
define any of those.
i dare.
please let us enlighten.
not like a joke, let us breath a heavy breath for those who so do not understand. it is so saddening sometimes.
to see the beauty. of things. of insanity (sp misworks)
of ourselves.
you can lie to me. you can lie to a friend.
do you dare lie to yourself.
?
really.
if not for you thing about the reality that this wourld would be without you.
again i dare you.
expect more.
im moving backwards in time.
rewriting concepts.
erasing preconceptions.
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[03 May 2010|01:24am] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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too new remember yesterday,
some remember what is.
few think toward tomorrow.
caskets remember burning ash,
baskets remember swollen fruit,
masquerades maintain a memory of innocents.
simple is as rhyme or reason
some would weigh that dime for treason.
history could never bring a conclusion.
today is for when spring is wrung.
from eyelids, to consonant, spun.
complete as a heartbeat, our lives are beyond...
like a breath.
like a bloom.
like the spring turning June.
like the folk
like our smoke.
like our 'mindeals'
turning prune...
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[17 Mar 2010|04:39am] |
i will reminisce personally, i hurt worse than ever,
now honestly, i feel would pain touch this soil.
i could not have second thought;
tis too early in the mourning to celebrate
action made or lives from fate.
ever mending lives since morn.
crescendos from coins
we choose our life as well as others.
just past a simple thought, reminiscing what was.
ill learn the more i grow.
it;;, hurt the more i fake,
the more i could actuate.
reason is beyond a common fate.
now is to choose,
to be; the lack thereof.
ascents makes hearts stronger.
articulate. on a qwerty/
mite my lies fake my mirror.
can you face yours.
would you.
dare.
here does be the only holiday i truly celebrate.
sober twice within comprehension.
not my beat.
might as well just drink.
to lose recognition...
sad simple facts ring true.
i am not me without you.
please allow me, to hurt the worst;
to spare you what is difficult.
not done finished.
keyboard or their lonesomeness.
could one argue so far, to say the have seen the worst.
now shy/
should grow hair sho why?
anger is not the action.
clammation could be damnation.
lost in the pack of camels.
not even a desert as far i see.
actions merely retold.
i am worse off than you knoe...
there is no saving me.
i have been that scapegoat. never aging. a pack and a half is comfortable. and yes, i am spell checking. szech.
so pissed. live to me namesake. imagine a pope with no choice to rake. all are lies on the other hand. who are you to comprehend? there is no would you, no could nor should.
honestly i hate you all less than i hate me.
strong words.
mine to live with.
fight for live.
the endever protagonist.
sincerely,
pio john francis valensin
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| HA |
[13 Mar 2010|12:40am] |
AH AHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
i laugh.
funny.
i want you to know. knots are not to sow.
repents do tend their growth.
semantic as a snail slow.
like a humble breeze can push everything.
favorites or not, my brow you will not beat.
brick walls were made, to begin to escape fate.
regardless or not, lives are not made;
buy inaction kinda equality.
as moons crumble much as cookies part.
forgetting next beginning, constancy repeats.
the next butt in the ashtray,
lie to accept your regret.
to some a fake worse than death.
begin to relent.
factotum, as if rehearsed;
spell check. done worse.
empty can, switch to glass.
'simple' as a dumb mute.
worse and forever making better.
never say bees
could ever make honey.
wears down soles.
shit kickers should know.
truth should show.
white lies to be bold.
ranging rants
encouraging infants,
familiar impartial militants
requisites never will be met.
i dare.
i disagree.
i grow
i forget
who will not?
what wont knot?
where wont fault?
why would fraud?
when might mock.
how will one die...
works in the question
answers can never be guessed then,
never a game of chess when;
beginning to forget is the awkward action.
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[25 Jan 2010|10:55am] |
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mood |
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amused |
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and amid the seasons change.
slowly, steady, drudging, treading.
our lives are an integral part of existence.
the tangles, snares, and traps we create for ourselves and others.
"Amid Cross(words) and Letters, we choose to find ourselves."
even our own incongruous contexts of each others lives is simply defining.
what is it that takes us home every night?
or wake in the morning?
perhaps it is the expectancy of tomorrows pain.
the longing for our own self penance.
if we live to die, then would dieing to live be a never ending stream of punishment?
and if we choose to act in such an according way where is the truth of the matter?
only defined by individual perception.
close to the lies we permit ourselves to believe.
there is always a lie at the center of be(lie)ve.
extraordinary realizations as such must be why brilliant people choose to smoke, drink, and party excessively.
why not? if life is the garden dig it right?
one inevitable end to and inevitably integral part of reality.
another thread to the weave.
and not necessarily a depressing thought. rather on the contrary.
truth may be disappointing however it is indeed a comfort.
through such realization is it possible to accept love?
or as tesla defined. musicians, artists, poets need love, feed off of it.
without there would be a lack of humanity, an opaque version of the idea of life.
inventors on the other hand, must live without.
the abstraction of love, cold certainty, of figures, actions and responses; is the only way invention can become.
now where could we place ourselves in this mess?
the poet with a dash of inventor?
the walking contradiction?
the action to the reaction?
or simply a blank page?
consciousness breeds selectivity.
selectivity creates judgement.
judgement is the heart of the human condition.
and the human heart can null and void consciousness.
all loopholes through a pattern.
embroidery infinitesimally intricate.
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| cantheseafindme? |
[13 Jan 2007|04:38am] |
and... sometimes i wonder what the ocean is up to.
it is sometimes nice to look back at the sea, and know that you have grown forem being with it.
the tide could honestly sing songs of freedom and hope.
but if she could have seen what i have become out of what i had been, the current would mass a diffrent way.
so if the compass reads the same as my map.
pick up on that mast, and prove to the sea, you are more than you are worth.
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| December Thirty-first, Nine-Sixteen p.m. |
[31 Dec 2006|09:15pm] |
here it begins,
the first day of my new life.
i see the cherry blossoms, blooming.
trivial and tough as this last chapter was, i have grown immensely from it.
and i am thankful for everything that has happend, and what will happen.
i am beginning the new year on a fresh slate.
a new stone, with a toothpick for a pen.
im probably gonna be here for a while.
new people, new faces, new beginnings, new days, and new experiences.
for the first time in my life, i truly feel self-confidant.
seeing myself react to the situations i have been in now, it is amazing.
i have the best friends in the world.
slash money, j-giddy, dandy randy, l.p., j-dub, bg-1, and so many more.
i wish i could accurately document how amazing i feel every day, how comfortable i am to know nothing at all.
ignorance is bliss.
this is fact.
im living proof.
so here is to the next year.
the next chapter in my memoirs.
here is to the beating clock inside us all.
and here is to the words in which i am flattered to share.
"I'M Eager to Learn, Are you Eager to Teach?"
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| you didnt know me, cause i didnt even know myself. |
[28 Nov 2006|02:35pm] |
yessir, this next month may hold a few changes.
i am indeed biding my time.
my life has never been better.
never been more difficult,
and never been more fulfilling.
im making alot of realizations.
and to think it has only been three months.
bring the rain.
bring it all.
im more positive than ever, and im perfectly fine alone.
if not better off.
besides it only takes one person to ride a bike.
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[26 Oct 2006|12:32am] |
Heres to you sailor, you fare across the sea.
From greenery and trees, to a new place.
And, here is to the new day, where time most often stays.
where you wish you would have left, but the riptide remained
Turn to face the ocean, hold your breath and breathe.
walk against the tide, and be now at ease.
the undertow will pull, and then start to sway,
pulling you so hard, you turn away.
PLease sir set your sail, you will yet still avail.
and prove to the sea, you are not as lonely,
as she believes. as she believes.
So, heres to you sailor, you fare across the sea.
through ship, shore, and beach, you are finally free.
Waste not another day, on storms from the past,
welcome the memories, and face the new facts.
of life in the present, and living to your dreams.
the sea has brough you here, so give your thanks.
yet, the sea has also lied, oceans full of hurt,
the weather changes quickly, please do be alert.
work in progress.
sounds better on a typewritter.
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[23 Oct 2006|09:43am] |
nine days this week. in a row.
my last day off was wednesday, my next day off is this coming sunday.
42 hours and 56 minutes last week.
almost three hours overtime.
next paycheck is gonna be bomb.
i need a backrub.
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[06 Oct 2006|05:04pm] |
888 O'Farrell Apt. # 227 San Francisco, CA 94109
home.
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[29 Sep 2006|06:15pm] |
there are things on the tip of my tounge that arent on the top of my head
and curioity is totally killing me.
back to being vauge i guess?
am i trying to say something without saying something?
if my mind runs around in any more circles.
i might trip the sucker.
just all of a sudden little visions have popped back.
is if from when i stopped and stared the ocean down?
is this the reprise?
word for word, and letter for letter.
the more that i write, it wont make it better.
something i should let go, unleash, and free
the thought of something that was, that i will never see
how was that for a poem.
on the upside of the egg
i now have a place to lay my head.
hopefully without the bites and nibbles of bedbugs.
shits weak
what do you call the action of fighting against the tide.
because, without that answer, how can one help but to fall for the ocean?
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[28 Sep 2006|02:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 lethargic, confused, annoyed. |
] |
and sometimes when youre on, youre really fucking on.
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[24 Sep 2006|06:51pm] |
every now and then i get an astringent feeling that i want to talk to someone.
i know who that someone is, but due to recent past events.
and the hindsight of things, ther eis a lingering feeling that it would not be a good idea.
not neccessarily a conversation like in the past but kinda just a quick chat.
but knowing myself and ow i can be overlydramatic, and snide at the drop of a pin.
i dont know if old topics would not be brought up or if they would be.
from a safe perspective it would probably be best to not chance it.
but i guess it is just the curiosity that is killing me.
iono.
time to go ride.
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[22 Sep 2006|11:34pm] |
biking up grant street from kearny... is one hell of a hike.
so i was thinking today. well earlier this evening.
and i really cherish those who i can really connect with.
such as to say, when i found out jeremy's car broke down, my first instinct was to call and see if he was ok.
or how like i spent forty-five minutes on the phone with carrie talking about what would happen if zombies invaded the earth.
or calling randy and seeing what his plans are for the night.
and that gets me to thinking.
i am doing great.
granted, things arent that easy.
but i am definately managing.
i feel like i have my best foot forward,
and i am making the best of every breath of air i take.
i used to think that my life was everything around me.
my friends, my family.
but now it seems more like i am living for myself.
i love you all, but it comes down to me in the end.
i go to sleep and all i need to make sure of is if i have money for move in costs, and if i ate that day.
this is a totally diffrent kind of happiness.
something i have yet to experience.
cause i have felt depression.
i have felt homesick.
i have felt love, or what i thought was love.
i have felt lost,
and i certainly have thought i was happy before.
but it is more like a state of peace.
the only obligations i have are to myself.
if someone calls, not to sound fucked up, but i dont have to answer.
the world wont end.
if someone thinks of me as a horrid person, well let them.
that is thier adgenda.
and really if a bad person i am being... maybe it is about time?
but just for the record, i do think about everything alot.
friends, family.
how i miss them.
how i miss my grandma.
but i also think about all the sadness that has been caused my my dependency on others.
i got so wrapped into my comfort zone that i didnt know anything other than that.
and it took a bad situation for me to realize what i had to do.
and that bad situation is still going to bite me in the ass.
but now i feel as though i can stand up to it.
and properly deal with it.
and it was another situation that made me realize that lodi wasnt for me.
and that my potential would not be tapped into.
and no matter what i do owe that person a thanks.
because i would be worse off without that experience.
and i am pretty sure she knows who she is.
so i suppose i am posting this as public, as to try and start new.
instead of making a new journal.
or not writing in it at all, im going to start fresh.
and this is my statement.
my name is Pio John Francis Valensin
and i reside in San Francisco
where i go next i have yet to decide.
but i have the world at my fingertips.
because all it really boils down to is weather you can live with yourself in the morning.
and now i feel as though i can.
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[08 Jan 2005|01:51am] |
thanks to some fuckheads who go to shows to pick fights,
shows at the eagles lodge are postponed,
they couldnt even wait till after the show.
thank so much you fucking ignorant pricks.
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[08 Dec 2004|02:31am] |
ok, so there is a first time for everything.
and today...
for the first time ever in my eighteen and a half years of life,
my father apologized to me.
i am still kinda wierded out.
and i am freaking out,.
i hate when i hear people talking about certain happy moments.
it really makes me sad.
it reminds me of the perfect moments i had with a certain girl.
who ended up forsaking my heart.
no matter how much i try to avoid it,
it still hurts.
i am beating myself into a pulp.
nothing i can do can fix anything.
i cant hate her.
i cant be friends with her.
i try to talk to her and she ignores me, or wont even try to carry conversation,
i fucking hurt
it is like poking your finger, everyday for three minutes non stop.
the pain just kinda turns into a dull ache.
that is my heart.
even when i try my hardest, to think positive,
everything falls apart on me.
what do i do.
i want a fucking answer.
i am sick of it.
the one person that i hand my heart to on a silver platter.
that i would promise the moon, and even attempt to give it to her,
the only girl i let my guard down for,
the one person.
and i die inside,
maybe i am just hurt because more shit happend.
my grandmother is in the hospital again today.
what do i do?
i dont know what to think right now.
if i could cry. i would,
i want someone to hold me.
and that one person deserted me.
maybe i am alone in this world.
fuck this.
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| stupid mother fucker. |
[08 Nov 2004|10:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
now i have been called a liar.
a loser.
a fuck up.
a pothead.
just like my friends.
all the friends that my father has not met.
i love the fact that Tim, who is about to graduate from sac state is a loser.
or that greg, who is currently in delta and working simultaniously is a loser.
or that lindsey. who is going to delta, and being a full time sweetheart is a fuck up.
nathaniel, who is going to cosmotology school, is really not going anywhere.
i love it.
and how i was supposedly "caught" smoking weed.
i dont understand how this is possible.
especially when, well. heh. yeah that is pretty much physically impossible.
to see someone doing something when they didnt do it for a fact.
now.
my plans for brooks. are a no go.
he is sending me to a JC.
the dorms. oh god.
only
not Delta. (which is one of the highest ranked JC's in north america so i am informed)
because he doesnt like the kids who wear earrings that go to delta.
this is making so much sence now.
so lets recap.
i am a loser/liar/pothead.
so are my friends.
even the ones that are going places.
i am not a physical impossibility.
due to the fact that i was caught doing something that i didnt do.
and a better school is now inferior, simply beacause kids that have earrings go to it.
oh wait.
they go to every school.
even grammar school.
im lucky im not ten anymore.
or i might have been put in homeschool.
because those kids that have earrings,
you better watch out.
thye will get you.
this by the way, is an ode to my father.
ignorance is bliss.
so. with that i say adieu.
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